I ran into an old friend at the store a couple of weeks ago. We used to see each other all the time: her older daughter went to school—kindergarten through grade twelve!—with my older son. These days, though we still live in the same neighborhood, we don’t have that common bond anymore and at most, one of us waves at the other while walking the dog.
On the rare occasion when we see each other out in town, it’s fun to catch up. This time, she asked me what I was up to and I gave her just enough information about my activities to satisfy her curiosity without making her nearly pass out. (She’s not a social media person and I know that less is more when I’m describing my work to those who aren’t “out there” like I am.) I told her how happy I am, doing things that don’t actually seem like work (well, most of the time), and from home, even! She said that it was fun to see how excited I am about what I do.
I asked her if she was still working at the school on the other side of town, and she said yes. I asked, “Do you still love it?”
She grimaced and shook her head. “The only reason I’m still there,” she said, “is because I get summers off and I can go visit my parents for three consecutive weeks.” (Her parents live very far away and while I believe that she sees them a couple times each year, the long summer visit has been a tradition for years.)
I asked her what she’d rather be doing especially now that her youngest was graduating, and she told me. It was something very different, not even in the same industry, as what she spends her days doing right now. Her eyes lit up when she told me about it. I said, “What do you need to do in order to get on that path?”
She had no idea.
I guarantee that I could have pulled my phone out of my purse at that moment and, in less than three minutes, discovered exactly how she could get started working towards her end goal of that new career that made her eyes sparkle.
But I didn’t.
I said, “You should be able to search for that information: just Google it!”
She said, “I don’t know…I really like being able to go visit my parents for three weeks every year.”
Knowing the answer, I asked her, “Are you happy when you’re working, though?”
She shook her head.
I said, “What if you were able to do what you really want to do, and maybe you wouldn’t get three weeks with your parents every year but maybe two weeks instead. Would that work for you?”
She said, “Actually, yeah. Doing what I want to do and being happier in my day-to-day work life would be great.”
Then I climbed up on my virtual soapbox and preached a little bit about how life is too short to spend time—especially work time!—doing things that we are unhappy doing. I told her I hoped that when she went home, she would at least look into what her first steps could be, and I offered to meet her for coffee (tea in my case but details…) after she did that and help her figure out a plan.
Here’s the thing: life IS too short to be spending most of your waking hours frustrated with a job you’ve grown out of or one that has ceased to make you happy. (It’s also too short to spend with people who try to take you down rather than lift you up, but that’s another post for another day.)
Even if you have to take baby steps to get out of that situation, you’re still taking steps. Maybe you need to take classes in order to reach your goal and you don’t have the time or money. No problem. Start researching online. Educate yourself until you can manage to enroll in required classes. Are your kids still young and/or need so much care that you don’t have much time to pursue what you want to do? Baby steps. Make plans. Make lists. READ. Find out if there are “side door” ways to involve yourself with that job, that industry, anything. Find a mentor. Get yourself ready so when the time is right, you can make the leap. Be open to doing a related activity until you can go full throttle. Better yet, be open to letting your path change along the way. MAKE TIME TO MAKE PLANS. You’ll get there eventually, and you’ll be happy you put in the time and effort. Let’s face it, not too many people win the lottery. If you’re waiting for a good luck fairy to rip you out of an unhappy situation and gently plop you down into one that will make you happy, you likely have a terribly long and miserable wait.
Back in 2007, I was working at a nail salon and was generally unhappy at work. If you had told me that after I started blogging that year, the eight years that followed would lead me to my being a hopeless social media addict who works as a researcher for BlogHer and co-produces LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER Chicago and mentors new city teams on behalf of the LTYM national team (not to mention other opportunities like co-hosting ChicagonistaLIVE! like I did on Wednesday; see below picture that was taken by their staff photographer!), I would have first said, “HUH? What’s all that?” and then I would have been amazed and excited and in great disbelief, because it would have looked like a totally crooked path for me to take. Indeed, it has been, and I’ve loved every minute. Well, almost every minute.
What got me where I am today was a combination of my willingness to try new things and to put in the work (and research! lots of research!) as well as lots of help and moral support from family and friends and mentors along the way. It’s one of the reasons why I love what I do on the LTYM national team: paying it forward is important to me and frankly, I love to see happiness on people’s faces when their plans come together.
When I said goodbye to my friend, my parting words were, “Call me! Let’s figure it out!” She said she would, but I have a strong feeling that she won’t and that makes me sad.
What about you? Are you stuck? I think it’s time to get out of that situation, don’t you? You’ll be much happier and you’ll wonder what took you so long: I promise. Now go get it!
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This is SUCH a great post. Our LTYM cast is excitedly (and nervously) pondering what’s next for them, and this is such great advice to give them.
Thank you! And thanks for sharing it. xoxo
Life is too short.
But change is scary.
Still. I say go for it if you can. And you almost always can.
Change is definitely scary sometimes, but you can always ask a friend to hold your hand along the way and that helps, don’t you think? 🙂
Life is too short.
Baby steps…baby steps.
Thank you so much for this.
My pleasure! I think lots of people needed it this week for some reason. 🙂
Your presence is a gift, truly. I needed to read this today. Maybe once a week for a year as a reminder 🙂
Thank you. I think you’re pretty great yourself. And I’ll see you soon OMG!
I’m sure glad you decided to move on from that nail salon! Hey, that rhymes! 😉
This is great, Melisa, partly because I did not know that about you. You’re so right, life is TOO short for all that “not liking what I do” b.s. 😉
We should get together and chat for a while. I bet there’s all kinds of stuff you don’t know about me. LOLOLOL (and vice versa)
So come on over! 🙂
I think it’s good to challenge yourself, too. A few baby steps outside of your comfort zone and then maybe the leap into something new and exciting won’t seem as daunting. That IS an absolutely terrific pic and I think it would look great on the Wikipedia page for awesome 🙂
Love this! I am more stuck than I’ve been in a long time, for many, many reasons, but I’m going to use your words to get me motivated. Just when I thought my writing/blogging might actually be headed somewhere, I completely panicked and psyched myself out. It’s time to take the leap and just see what happens. Your words came at a great time. Your story is truly inspirational. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Denise. Your comment means a lot! Best of luck to you in whatever you end up doing: if you’re anything like me, it’ll be something you can’t even imagine right now! LOL
I love that you have been able to follow your dreams and work from home and be involved in some truly meaningful and fun things. It’s sad to see people who have a dream, and don’t honestly believe their dream is possible. I used to be a recruiter, and in the process of interviewing people, I would ask them all the standard questions, and then, I would pause, and lean forward, and ask, “So, what’s your art?” And often, they would turn on like a lightbulb, all of a sudden their eyes would be twinkling and they would go into all this detail about the stuff they do on the sidelines, in the evenings, on the weekends that completely filled them with joy. I would ask the same question you did – What’s keeping you from doing that as a job? How can we get you closer to that? We just have to be willing to do the things that make us glow from the inside out! Thank you. This is a great article!
Thank you, Liesl!
I love this because I am kind of there now.
You are this ray of sunshine and positivity.
I used to be that and I need to get that back.
So I guess I need to get my ass back to being around you more apparently.
I NEED TO BUY YOU THAT HOT CHOCOLATE BECAUSE I THINK THAT IS CALLED KARMA KICKING MY BUTT.
Also, please help me figure out the John Hughes Museum thing.
OMG DON’T TELL ME YOU DON’T HAVE TIME.
Love you bye.
At first my eyes blurred two of your sentences together and I read, “I guess I need to get my HOT ass back to being around you more apparently.” (It’s early.)
Anyway, I’m completely thrilled to allow you to buy me a hot chocolate three years after you promised it to me so I can help you figure out the John Hughes Museum thing. LOLOLOL
Love you bye.
I’m going to replace “job” with “marriage” and yes, I’m figuring it out! Go me! Go us! Happiness awaits!
GO YOU!!!! And yes you are! And I’m always here for you! xoxoxo